a curse not yet lifted

in a room of 5, 50, 100 people... if you are there you are the one I want to be next to.

...five years ago, I was afflicted by the curse the second time you left my apartment. I begrudgingly let you out of my arms knowing that when I did it would be the last time. As much as you wanted to leave I know you wanted to stay too. If I had tried, I think I could have kept you there a little longer, could have brought you to my bed atleast one more time. to have shared that intimate connection with you started out as a blessing but when it became impossible to keep it, I was doomed. doomed because I knew a new way to love and feel when I was with you, and because I was aware how rare that ecstasy was. doomed, because I didn't really believe I'd find it anywhere else.

so now here I am in the back room of this tavern surrounded by live music, friends, acquaintances and a few attractive men, wanting to meet someone but not bad enough to stop wondering where you are and when you are going to be here.